At the beginning of 2021, I had gained my confidence back and so have been able to date a lot more, and sort out my emotions. Today, I have a girlfriend, and I want to write about my experiences with her. Since she has a unique name, I'll call her "D" because I want to avoid having her students google it and give her a hard time.
I joined the Riverdale Single Adult ward in fall of 2015. D was attending her family ward up in Brigham City, but she would frequently attend our activities. I met her at a linger longer after church one day sometime after that, probably early 2016. I remember that she said she was a math teacher, and I thought that was interesting. I also found her attractive, but I'm not really a "love at first sight" kind of guy, and I was pursuing a different woman at the time.
In spring of 2018, the ward did a "10 dates in 10 weeks challenge" and to facilitate that, they set up a thing called YENTA where you could sign up online with a username and phone number. Each week, they would send you a list of 10 usernames and phone numbers of those of the opposite sex. It seemed like a good idea, I knew I needed to date more, so I signed up. I went on two dates, but I got overwhelmed, being bombarded by messages from strangers I didn't know, so I quit replying. But D sent me a message on Facebook Messenger asking me out. We had become friends, so I was comfortable accepting. Our first date was on 17 March 2018 at SubZero in Layton.
The following year, we were talking at a friend's game night about YENTA starting up again this year. I had decided that I wanted to just ask out people I knew instead of signing up online. I was far more comfortable doing that. By this time, we had gone on some road trip vacations together, so I thought it would be fun to drive her from her place in Brigham up to Logan for dinner. A coworker had recommended Angie's Diner, so I figured that would be a good place to go. Turns out, she had been there before, but that's okay. This was on 27 February 2019. We had a good time, but we were just friends.
There was a memorable time when she invited a group of friends to go see the Spiral Jetty. It was really short notice, but I didn't have anything going on, and I had never been, and I really wanted to go. It turned out, I was the only one to show up, but we went anyway. This was 24 April 2019. I thought it was really nice to go out one-on-one, not as a date, but just as friends. On the way back, she took me to the ATK Rocket Garden. That's when it started to feel like a date, since it wasn't part of the plan, and it made me feel like she wanted to spend more time with me. Quality time is my love language.
I think I really started to like D after she invited me and a group of friends to a Messiah sing-a-long on 15 December 2019. I was sitting next to her. She sings off-key, but she was having fun. I knew she was self-conscious about it, but with her feeling comfortable singing next to me made me feel like she trusts me, and I found that very attractive.
I remember at the beginning of 2020 there was some other woman pursuing me at the time. Although she was attractive, she gave me a lot of anxiety. I ended up having to turn her down, and I felt bad about it. But part of the reason why I had anxiety was because I realized I hadn't moved on from another woman I was interested in. I hadn't asked her out because I thought she wasn't interested in return, but then I might need to get rejected in order to move on.
After Institute one day, a guy was flirting with D, and she shut him down by blowing a kiss at me. This made her super attractive to me, putting her into my top spot. After another night when she stayed after and we talked a lot, I knew I had to ask this other woman out, get rejected, then my heart would be ready to pay her attention without looking back.
Well, then a pandemic happened, and things kind of fizzled on all fronts there, which left me really depressed.
But, of all my friends, D kept in touch. She had a game night over Zoom. She invited me alone to see fireflies. She really helped me with my emotions during the pandemic. Meanwhile, the woman who was pursuing me became her roommate though, so I thought dating D might be a little awkward though, so I was more hesitant, but she eventually got married.
In February 2021, I went on a backpacking trip with her to the Grand Canyon. There were supposed to be others in the car with us, but they dropped out and it ended up just being the two of us for the long drive. As we drove, we talked about all sorts of things, including our relationship troubles. Some of the questions I asked her were secretly about how I felt about her. I said, "there's this woman I think I like, but sometimes I find myself paying attention to some other women in the room when they are together."
D said something like, "Well, nothing is worse than not being your first choice." I thought I had my answer, I shouldn't worry about it. But she thought about it some more and corrected herself and said something like, "Well, sometimes that's what women do, they try to pull your attention away from what you really want." So I went back to being unsure of my feelings.
We were in her car, and she had me drive part of the time, so she could take a nap when she got tired. During the time I was driving, we stopped for fast food. I paid for her dinner, saying "it's a gift from me." I feel like she really started paying more attention to me after that. I remember part of our conversation was about how to tell if someone is flirting, and she was like "I heard if she taps your elbow 7 times, like this, that means she likes you" as she tapped my elbow 7 times.
I knew that by dating more, I would have more confidence. I went on a few, and sometimes when D assumed I was on a date, I let her believe I was by not denying it, even though I wasn't. After frisbee one day, she went into my car and looked through my stuff. I had realized in recent weeks that I had come to trust her. I was not at all worried about what she was doing, and anyone else I would have had anxiety. So I asked her out. I had always found her attractive, but this would be our first date that wasn't just a friend's date.
On 4 August 2021, I took her on a picnic out to Peplin Arch in western Box Elder county. I had been there before with my sister and dad, and ever since, I had thought that D should see this place. We stopped by the ghost town, which was just a cemetery, really, then went to the arch. We had a lot of fun. She told me that there were other women who were asking about me. I wasn't sure what to make of that, did that mean D didn't like me and wanted me to go after these mysterious women?
There was one woman that had been paying attention to me at the time, so I wasn't sure how I felt. But as time went on, D showed herself to be reliable. I had learned that I didn't like it when women take me for granted, and D never did. At least, I never felt that way.
On Saturday, 16 October 2021, there was a Single Adult dance up in Brigham City. It was really the first "big" activity like this after the pandemic. I knew that I get a feeling for how much I like a woman when I dance with them, so I really wanted to take this opportunity to sort out my feelings. I found that I really liked D. I felt like we had good chemistry, and that we both like each other. I wanted to ask her out after the dance, so I stayed and helped clean up. But she was in charge, and so always had things to do, so even after I finished, I still couldn't even give her a goodbye hug. But after I left, she ran out and asked me if I could give someone a ride, and I was able to give her a hug.
The next day, I asked her out, and we went to Zupas for dinner, and then went to the Black Island Farms corn maze. I held her hand through the last part of the big section of the maze, because she kept wanting to wander off. When we got home, and gave her a goodnight hug, I confessed that I liked her, and she told me she liked me too.
I was nervous about scaring myself off if I moved too fast, but it was only a week later when I asked her out again. We had things going on the next weekend though, but her niece had a concert on Tuesday, 2 November 2021, so we planned to go to that, and then dinner afterwards. I brought her some flowers, which is the first time I ever bought a girl flowers, so I was super nervous about it, but I wanted her to know that I think she is special.
We started spending more time together, though a lot of it was being busy with friends. D had a murder mystery that Friday. I was the murderer, and we had a lot of fun. Afterwards, everyone sat and chatted, and she secretly held my hand under a blanket.
The following week, we spent time together on Thursday evening, we went for a really long walk. When we cuddled on the couch afterwards, I felt really comfortable with her. I wanted to kiss her, so I asked before leaving, but she said "not right now." I felt strangely confident despite not getting what I wanted, because I acted according to how I believed. Plus "not yet" implied "later."
The next week on Friday, 19 November 2021, we had a double date with her roommate. Brigham City does a "Third Friday Night" celebration each month, and this was a Nutcracker Celebration. We went into various stores and they had a Nutcracker theme. Afterwards, we colored a Nutcracker coloring page. We cuddled on the couch afterwards.
After Jamie and her boyfriend left, I asked D, "How would you feel about being boyfriend and girlfriend?" She replied by asking, "How would you feel?" I said that I would really like it. I told her that she doesn't make me feel stressed or anxious, and I feel really comfortable around her. She agreed to be my girlfriend. I warned her that I was entering "uncharted territory." She would be my first girlfriend. She reassured me though, that the relationship is something new for both of us. Even though she had dated other guys before, this relationship would be new. When I left that night, I asked her again if I could kiss her, we had our first kiss.
I am really excited and happy, and look forward to spending a lot of time together. ❤️
