I turned 32 recently, and so it is natural that my mind turns toward the things I hope to accomplish in the future. I feel like I've completed all my main goals in life-- graduate college, get a career, buy a house. I'm getting close to some others, namely pay off my debt. But the one I haven't seemed to figure out yet is the relationship ones: to have a girlfriend, get married, raise a family, buy a bigger home to hold everyone.
I've learned a lot though, but I'm just not quite there yet, and it's still frustrating.
Back in High School, I didn't know how to date. I went to the High School dances, but the thought never even entered my mind that I could have a date on the weekend. But although I knew a lot of people, I was never close to anyone outside my ward. I got invited to a party once, but no one was there. (Knowing what I know now, I should have just waited. Normal people don't start on time.)
After my mission, I struggled just meeting people, and again hardly dated. The only example I had was my Dad, and he met Mom at college, and I figured I'd do the same. Well, it turns out, there aren't any women in the Computer Science department. Oh, and I'm really shy around strangers, so it takes a while for me to warm up.
My wise Bishop encouraged me to try out the Singles Ward, and that was the best thing I've ever done. It took me a while to feel comfortable, but in time I made close friends for the first time in forever, and I started dating a lot more frequently. But those I liked, didn't like me in the same way. And those that did like me that way, I was too dumb to realize it. But that didn't matter, becasue I was too inexperienced to know what to do about it anyway.
In the meanwhile, I had moved and my new ward almost never had any activities. So I hardly got to know anyone, and dated almost no one in that ward.
But it wasn't long before the boundaries changed, and I was again in a new ward, but this one was big, and we had tons of activities, and I again was dating more. However, I never felt like I made the same kind of friendships I made in my first ward. I made a few friends, but only a couple close friends.
I'm also disappointed that we don't have dances anymore. I think dancing with a woman is the perfect way to find out whether you have chemistry. In fact, I think I've danced with most the women I've gone out with.
By now, I've learned that women want a second date immediately. Well, the next week is immediately to me, anyway, who has got to be the slowest man on earth. Unfortunately, that means that I get to learn immediately that I'm not their type. First dates are fine, almost everyone has said, "yes" to a first date. So I had tons of confidence. But second dates... I used to be confident, but now that I'm almost always rejected, that eats away at you. Unfortunately, girls like confident men, and so that lessens the attraction, and it's a vicious feedback loop.
But, I can't say I blame them. I know several women that like me, but I feel zero chemistry. I know people that I wish I were attracted to, but I'm not. So I'm not bitter against women, or anything. It's the reality of relationships that you gotta follow your heart.
All the same, that leads me to not ask out as many women. Although I know they'd say "yes" to a first date, there's nothing worse than being with someone that is bored being with you. But, in reality, I gotta take more risks, otherwise nothing will happen.
I've been thinking about going to a 30+ Singles Ward for a while now. My Bishop joked with me and said, "we took a vote, and you can't leave." We all laughed, but then he said, "I'm really sorry. We've got some really dumb women in this ward. You are the catch of the ward! But you do what you need to do." It made me feel better that someone noticed, but not as much as if an attractive single women would notice. And that I'd notice her noticing, too. Since I'm still not great at that.
So I decided that I think I'll stay until the summer activity. Usually, I can meet someone interesting there. But until then, I need to date more. The last girl I went out with went off to college. Most the other women in the ward have stopped paying attention to me, or are like half my age. So, I decided to start up the online dating thing. I made an account early this week, and have been writing messages.
I'm not too sure about this, but I know that things aren't going to go anywhere if I don't go back to taking risks.
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