First off, I would like to say that when most people say they were Facebook stalking someone, they usually don't mean they were actually stalking them. I had a friend that would say that when he meant, "I don't check Facebook often, but when I do I'm always sure to see what these particular friends have to say, because they are so insightful." Is checking up on a friend to see how they are doing really stalking someone? I don't think so, but that is how the word seems to be used more frequently these days.
I think the confusion comes from the fact that the word "Stalking" itself has a few definitions. It can refer to anything simply obsessive attention to someone to harassment. It is at the latter end of this spectrum where stalking is usually illegal, and it is with this definition where we usually use the word. Online stalking can also take this form. If someone is constantly posting on your Facebook wall and you are fearing for your safety, that's cyberstalking, and is likely a crime.
Harassing others is clearly wrong. Using technology to facilitate stalking someone in real life is also clearly wrong. But what about reading what others publicly post on the internet? It seems like an ethical gray area. You wouldn't wait in front of someone's house to find out when they leave home every day, but when they publicly tweet "leaving for school. Physics exam. Long day ahead." they've essentially given you that same information. I think this is why it is such a social taboo. Things we would never do in real life are practically thrown at us on the internet. Where do you draw the line? Here's my thoughts on this.
When I post something online, it is because I expect people to read it. Did you look at all my vacation pictures? Great! That's why I put them on Facebook, so that you can see them! Did you see my hillarious Doctor Who video I put on youtube? Great! share it with your friends! Did you read my blog post about Online Stalking? You're reading it right now? That's great! I put it online so that you could! This is generally the attitude I take towards this manner of "stalking" -- it's not a bad thing because I clearly wanted your attention.
But there is another aspect to it. Just because I know what I'm doing doesn't mean my friends do. Do you realize who is capable of seeing what you put on the internet? Was your tweet public or private? When you uploaded that photo album to Facebook, did you set the privacy? I don't think people realize how public their comments are, or even that they often have control over how public they can be. For example, there is a small Facebook group that I am not a member of, but many of my friends are. It is a public group, so I don't need to be a member to see the posts. I remember once seeing this post pop up in my ticker:
I think of this as more of a case of eavesdropping. People are having a private conversation, but they don't realize that you are standing feet away and can hear everything you say. I use the "Custom" privacy setting on Facebook to let only some of my friends see my posts. But even then, I'm probably accidentally revealing more than I want to. People panicked when the ticker came out, and again when Timeline came out, thinking it would reveal all this private information. In reality the information was already available in the old format, but they didn't realize it. So take this in mind when you are reading something online: do they realize that I can see this? Would they want me seeing this? Are they talking about me, or am I just vain?
By the way, if you are reading this sorry for using your post as an example. Even though your group is public, I edited out your names and pictures to protect your privacy. I wanted to let you know that group is, in fact, "the world", but I couldn't think of a tactful way to tell you. Should an eavesdropper let people realize they can hear you, or is it better to just ignore it and walk away?
Another aspect is how online content is used. Do I really want a new friend going back to when I joined Facebook and reading all my status updates? I'm not sure. I do periodically go back through my albums and gradually restrict who can see them over time, so that eventually only those who were there and my closest friends can see them. Maybe I should do the same with my status updates? If I post something with a "close friends" privacy setting, would I want them to post, "Hey everybody! Jeff said this:" publicly? No, probably not. While I don't expect anyone to keep a secret for me unless I specifically say, "Please keep this a secret," I don't expect them to blab to the world, either. Would I want someone to download and print out all the pictures I am tagged in and tape them to every surface of their home? No, that would be more creepy than flattering.
When it comes to how content is used, be aware of what you are doing. Are you harassing someone? Are you making unwanted comments or posts on someone's wall? Are you tweeting threatening messages? Do you send friend requests to people you don't know? Stop. Seek professional help if you need to.
I think a lot of the reason people are more comfortable stalking someone online than in real life is the feeling on anonymity. You don't follow someone home from work because you know they might notice you. But you know Facebook isn't going to let them know you are looking through their public vacation pictures. So perhaps the real question is: How would your behavior change if I knew how much of my online content you were looking at? For example, did you know blogger.com gives me statistics on the people who read my blogs?
Okay, the Blogger statistics aren't as great as the YouTube statistics, so I have no idea if you are someone I let know about my blog, a stalker, or just randomly came upon my post. But all the same, websites often have more info on visits than you think.
So online ethics in a nutshell: Ask yourself how you would feel if they knew how you were using their online content. Ask yourself if they realize that you can see their content, and ignore if it is clear you are eavesdropping. Ask yourself if you realize who can see your content and act accordingly.
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